


The Joy In Hatred

by Anonymous



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, Female Bucky Barnes, Female Tony Stark, M/M, Useless Lesbians, Vegetables
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 06:36:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19167796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Or, Becky and Toni are girlfriends with too much asparagus.





	The Joy In Hatred

**Author's Note:**

> OK, I couldn't think of a title for this, if you think of a better one please lemme know. I'm struggling dudes.
> 
> Anyway, here's some writing. I'm a lesbian writing lesbians for pride, gotta love me some women. 
> 
> Anyway, stay safe, stay cool, and stay having pride dudes.
> 
>  
> 
> [Link to 20biteen](http://wilder13.tumblr.com/)

"Uhm, what's going on here?" Toni asked, pulling her hair up into a shabby bun. "Are you cooking? Why are you cooking? Especially this much."

Becky turned to face her, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. "Uhm, I can explain?" 

"You don't have to, I just don't understand why you're cooking Michelin star food at one am, especially with all this asparagus." she picked up a sprig of asparagus, dropping it back into place before Becky could majorly freak out.

She was finnickety when it came to food, especially plating arrangements. If things touched they had to touch in a certain way, oil around the rim was a no-no. In fact, anything around the rim of the plate was the devil's work. If it wasn't where Becky had placed it, it couldn't be there, and by some way of a miracle she made it work. 

There was never food around the rim of anything she gave to Toni. There was never a pea touching the mash potatoes or carrots. The meet always sat in a way that looked artful, the gravy pooled in a certain way.

Cereal was crunchy no matter how she made it, never too sweet or too sour. Porridge had the perfect amount of smoothness and absolutely no lumps. 

Cooking was Becky's thing and it showed, in every moist red velvet cake and perfectly crusty loaf of bread. In every perfectly seasoned pot of curry. 

One thing that Becky had never touched (and rightfully so) was asparagus. Not that Toni minded, asparagus was disgusting. For the most part, Toni had always thought she was allergic, until Steve had told her that she simply hated it that much.

She'd been told that they'd stolen a sprig from Mrs. Trawleny's garden in the 1940's, Becky had hated it so much she'd spat it out and vowed never to eat it again. 

Toni, upon seeing all the asparagus, was sure that her girlfriend was having a midlife crisis.

"Someone delivered asparagus to the tower. I don't know what to do with it. I can't eat it but I don't want to waste it." It was then that Toni noticed the tremble in her hands, metal and flesh, and the stilted way she piped mash potatoes onto the little dishes that Toni could tell were going to be shepards pie.

She crossed the kitchen in quick steps, taking Becky's hands when she finally reached her. "Hey, hey hey, don't worry Beckybabe, I'll find out who delivered all the asparagus and I'll make sure it never gets delivered to the compound again. I'll defend your honour for you, baby-bear. Don't worry your pretty little head about it." 

Becky giggled, pressing a kiss to Toni's forehead. "Thank you, Toni."

-

The asparagus had been coming in for weeks. 

It had taken four weeks for Toni to come to that conclusion and two days before Becky decided that murder and interrogation would be the most efficient way to go about asking it stop.

There was too much of it for them to know what to do about it. Becky had decided on cooking it and giving it to homeless people with the other things they gave them but after they built the shelter there were virtually no homeless people and the ones they found had been directed to one of the Maria stark shelters.

They'd pawned it off onto other people but soon the prospect of owning so much asparagus turned people off. 

The asparagus didn't come in tens or twenties. No. Becky routinely collected close to one hundred asparagus sitting in bundles in a crate delivered by a different person each time, told nothing about what they were delivering, only to who. 

Toni still tipped them well into the hundreds.

"What the fuck do we do with all of this asparagus?" Toni said, throwing down another bundle, hands stinking of the offending vegetable. "I can't eat it, you can't eat it, the others won't eat it."

"We still have that invitation to that lesbian panel show, right?" Becky asked, voice hard as she twirled the knife between her fingers. 

"Yes," Toni said, dragging out the 's'. "You're not suggesting we lament about it on live TV to find out the culprit? Are you? If you are I'm down for it, I'm always down for complaining on live TV."

"Toni that's just what we're gonna do. It's sure to fix our problem." 

-

Becky was wrong. All they did was become a hashtag and a meme. Peter and Harley teased them about it for weeks. Becky forced them to take home a crate each if asparagus. They didn't find it funny afterwards. 

-

"I mean, we could donate it-" 

"Every food bank in NY is filled with asparagus."

"We could start a farm-" 

"We have. The workers should grow more than asparagus. I've been telling them to take it home. Marisol said 'No more asparagus!" 

"We could send it to space-" 

" _We have,_ " Becky sighed. "Toni we've done everything, I'm telling you. We need to burn it. With a scarecrow in the middle. To warn the offenders of what we'll do to them in due time."

"I knew there was a reason I loved you. I'll have JARVIS order the things we need."

"Already done, Miss. I wish you good luck."

-

The pictures of Becky and Toni dancing around a stake laden with asparagus and burning bodies went viral. Becky threw the remaining asparagus at rude reporters and Toni flickered a lighter menacingly.

The reporters were quiet, the asparagus stopped coming.

-

"Do you ever wonder who was sending us all that asparagus?" Toni said, arm curled around Becky's pale waist, her free hand playing with her dark hair. "I mean, it's a cursed time in our life but I can't help but wonder." 

Becky turned, staring into Toni's extremis blue eyes. "We don't talk about the asparagus. You never let me find and murder the person who was sending it all in."

"But Becky-bear! I'm curious! I want to know why at least-" 

"Let's just say, it might have been someone close to us. Someone really close. I don't think anyone knew about our mutual hatred of asparagus other than the people that we live with and work with. Gotta be someone sneaky. Or vengeful."

"Probably Loki then." 

"Hm. Probably."


End file.
